I remember the day so vividly. Joe walked into the kitchen while I was cleaning the house. He looked at me, I looked at him, and I gave him the look that only he knows. It was the look of, “I am so sick of cleaning the house, I feel like all I ever do is pick up and clean these days.”
I almost laugh thinking about this now, because he gave me the perfect response in that moment. He simply walked away and let me have my moment.
This interaction happened about 5 years ago when stay at home mom life was still new and fresh for me. With two young kids at home, it was easy to feel like my days were spent cleaning up, picking up, filling the dishwasher, making food, and keeping everyone happy.
It felt so exhausting and lifeless. I was just going through the motions every day, feeling like I was never getting ahead. There was no white space in my mind or my schedule to just be in the moment and love it. I was constantly working on the next thing that needed to be done. Insert, yuck!
Long story short, I was a meeting planner before staying home with my kids. So, I started to think to myself – I used systems and routines every day at work to make meetings run smoothly. There HAS TO be a way for me to implement daily routines at home, to make mom life and home life run smoother.
And this is when everything started to change for me.
Whether you realize it or not, you use routines every day. The question is, are your routines serving you well or sucking the life out of you? There’s a big difference.
Let me give you an example.
If you let your laundry overflow to the point where you feel overwhelmed when you look at it, this is an unhealthy routine that you’ve created. Neglecting your laundry IS a routine for you. And this routine isn’t serving you well because it’s not creating life-giving emotions and feelings.
Now, let’s take this same example, and flip it. If we know, neglecting your laundry is an unhealthy routine that isn’t serving you well, what could serve you better? Well, probably a laundry routine that makes laundry super manageable for you, right? Yes! You’ve pinpointed the problem, know what the solution is, and now you can start to think through a laundry plan that will serve you better.
I wanted to give you this example because I don’t like when I hear moms say that they hate routines. The truth is, we all live our lives by routines. But we need to start realizing that we’re either managing our days with healthy routines or unhealthy routines.
Now before we move on, I really want you to hear this. More often than not – the solution to your unhealthy routine is really simple. The hardest part is recognizing what isn’t working and putting a plan together to fix it. And that’s what I want to teach you today.
HOW TO GET UNSTUCK FROM YOUR UNHEALTHY ROUTINES
01. KEEP A DAILY JOURNAL
As moms, we can have so many emotions throughout the day, but then by bedtime, it all becomes a blur. So I want you to start keeping track of how you feel throughout the day and why you feel this way. Every time you start to feel stressed out or overwhelmed, I want you to write down what is causing these feelings.
For example: Do you feel really grouchy at dinner time? If so, why? Is it because you don’t know what to make? Do you need groceries but haven’t had time to go to the store? Is it just chaotic because the kids are pulling on you while you’re trying to cook? Write all of it down!
When you start to document these things, after just a couple of weeks, you’re going to have some crazy on-point information that will help you create a plan of action.
I recommend you keep a journal for at least two weeks.
02. ANALYZE YOUR FINDINGS
After a couple of weeks, go through your journal and see what common themes stick out to you. Does it seem like most days, you feel overwhelmed with the laundry or dishes? Great! Now you know, you need to make a routine for these things. Do the mornings seem really chaotic and challenging to get everyone out the door on time? Good to know. Now you can start thinking through what easy things you could do to simplify the craziness in the morning.
You’re going to learn so much about yourself, when you start recognizing daily themes in your journal entries.
03. MAKE A PLAN FOR YOUR ROUTINES
Now, this is the fun part. It’s time to take all of this information and put a plan in place. It’s really important to make your routines work for you and your lifestyle. Do not under any circumstances decide on a routine that feels hard to complete from the start. For example, if you’re not a morning person, don’t say, you’re going to start waking up at 5 am to get your housework done before the kids wake up. Don’t do it! It’s not going to stick and you’ll just get super grouchy.
Instead, I want you to think about your schedule and decide how you can simplify your unhealthy routines.
For example…
- If making dinner feels exhausting because you never know what to make, then you may need to start a routine of making a weekly meal plan, so you cut out decision fatigue and get really organized with your grocery list
- If you feel like the house is a mess by the end of the night and it feels exhausting, start to implement a nightly 15 minute clean up where you turn up some music and everyone in the home is involved in cleaning up
04. EXECUTE YOUR PLAN
Some of your new routines may require action from just you, and some of them may involve other people in your home. If a routine involves other people, make sure you are communicating this to them in advance! Don’t just turn on some music tomorrow night and announce everyone needs to help clean up. No. Sit down with your family and explain the new routine and why you’re doing it. It’s important to get everyone on board with the new plan.
Remember! Routines won’t stick overnight. It takes time for these things to become habitual so don’t give up if it doesn’t go great the first week. The key is to stay consistent.
05. BE OPEN TO ADJUSTING YOUR ROUTINES
You may not figure out the perfect routine the first time. This is totally normal! If sitting down on a Sunday afternoon and making a meal plan just isn’t working with your schedule, then don’t do it on Sunday afternoon! Figure out a new time, or day that feels better for you.
Also know, different seasons may call for different routines. When the kids are home during the summer months, your routines may look different than during the school year. I’ve had to adjust many of my routines now that I’m homeschooling our kids. This is normal! The key is to recognize when something isn’t working anymore and remember that you have the power to change it.
Routines can completely change the game in your life and motherhood. I dive deep into this topic in my Calm Your Chaos Course. During the course, you’ll learn how to implement the right routines for YOUR life and schedule. Plus, I get to coach you through the entire thing, which is really fun. I would love to see you on the inside of this course!