Have you ever gone through a season in your marriage where you feel more like roommates than a married couple? It’s a less than ideal feeling for sure, but also something I think most married couples have worked through at one time or another. (Raising my hand over here!)
Joe and I went through a really full season some years back. He was in graduate school, doing daily clinical, AND working full time. I was also working full time while trying to navigate new mom life to our first little girl. Life felt like a lot. We were just trying to keep our heads above the water most of the time. And to be honest, our marriage wasn’t in the best place. We didn’t know how to juggle everything on our plates AND have a thriving marriage at the same time. It was messy and hard.
I wish I knew back then, a lot of the things I know now. (You for sure learn some things a decade later).
Back then, we didn’t know how to manage everything on our plates TOGETHER. And as a result, Joe would go one direction and I would go the other. And this is where the roommate situation would come into play.
It wasn’t until we learned the power of working together as a team, that everything changed for us. And one really simple way we started to work as a team was by having a weekly meeting together.
Listen up. Your marriage matters above all else. It’s the roots that everything else grows from. You have to take the time to water and care for the roots so they stay healthy.
And while I would love to say, a date night every other week is enough, this isn’t always the case. There is so much life that happens on the daily, and it’s important that you feel like you’re doing life WITH your spouse. And this is where a weekly meeting is really helpful.
Now, if the term “meeting” sounds too rigid for you, call it something else! A weekly check-in or re-group is great too. You do you. The point is to take time to connect and talk through the week so you feel on the same page with one another.
So when should you have your weekly meeting and what exactly should you talk about?
Joe and I like to think about our weekly meeting with 3 C’s in mind. This keeps us accountable and in check with each other.
CHECK-IN
Every week, we check in with each other to see what day/time works best to sit down and have a meeting. Joe’s work schedule fluctuates a lot, so we can’t have a set day/time every week where we sit down and have this amazing hour-long time together. No. As awesome as this sounds, our schedule doesn’t work this way. So we have to be really intentional about checking in to see when we can carve out time for our meeting.
If your schedule is the same every week and a set day/time works for you, that’s great! But it’s not a must. Your meeting can be fluid. Some weeks, life may just be really busy and you need to get creative with your meeting. There have been so many times where Joe and I have just talked over the phone on his way to work, or during a walk with the kids while they ride their bikes. Get flexible when you need to be.
Some weeks are going to feel less rushed than others, but no matter how quick it needs to be, have the meeting!
CONNECT
Ok. Let me be honest here. Your husband is probably going to put a big kibosh on your weekly meeting if you start with a honey-to-do list right off the bat. Do not do this! It will be a one and done meeting. And this isn’t the purpose of the meeting. Instead, take a minute to connect with him first. Literally, ask your husband how he’s doing. Gosh, how often do we forget to ask our spouse this basic question in the busyness of life?
Ask him how his job is going and then share something about your week with him. These have been some of my favorite times to connect, dream, and feel inspired with Joe. When we just take a moment to purposefully engage with each other.
We all know guys usually just need one thing to feel connected to their wives (ya’ll know what I’m talking about)! But most of the time, we as the wife, need more. We want to feel emotionally connected. Let’s be real.
And this is probably why I love Joe and I’s weekly meeting so much. It’s a time where I feel like we come together in the midst of our crazy schedules, and I share with him what’s going on with me and he does the same. Ah, it’s so good, you guys! There is so much connection that can happen during these meetings.
CREATE
Now comes the logistics part where you create your plan for the week. Joe and I like to go day by day and write down what is happening every day.
When you create mental space to think about the week and document it, you can prevent a lot of miscommunication and unnecessary conflict in your marriage.
Here’s some things to think through while planning out your days:
- Who’s taking the kids to their sports practices during the week?
- Does your husband have an important conference call where he needs the house quiet one afternoon?
- Do you have a work deadline that is going to require some late nights of work?
- When are you going to block out time for a date?
This is also a really great time to talk about anything else that you both need to be involved with. Oftentimes, I’ll keep notes on my phone when I think about something I need Joe’s input on. This way, I remember to bring it up when we talk. Remember, you’re a team. So come together as a team and talk about those things that you want your husband to be included in.
A FEW NOTES ON A WEEKLY MEETING
- Come up with a scheduling system you both can get on board with. Joe and I like to share a google calendar so we both see the same thing every day. If he makes a change, I get an alert and vice versa. If google calendar doesn’t work great for you, figure out what would work better and do that.
- Keep it short and to the point. If your meeting gets too long, you probably aren’t going to stick with it, because it’s not sustainable. If there’s a night you have the time to make it almost a mini at-home date night, that’s so fun! But don’t count on this every week. Instead, remember to connect and create. Then, move on with your day.
- Not every week is perfect. Some weeks you may miss a meeting because it’s just been a crazy week. That’s okay, just get back on track the next week. I can honestly tell you, every week we miss a meeting, I feel the disconnect with Joe. And the feeling I have makes me want to get back on track the next week.
THIS WEEK SET UP YOUR WEEKLY MEETING!
That’s right. It’s now time to check in with your spouse and see when would be a good time to have a meeting together.
PRO TIP! Don’t just say, “Hey babe, I want to start having a weekly meeting with you.” He’ll probably go, huh? Talk to him about this post if you need to and share why you feel it would be helpful if you just had a weekly check-in together. Then, set a date and time and start making this an ongoing routine in your week.
WANT TO DIVE DEEPER INTO WORKING TOGETHER AS A TEAM IN YOUR MARRIAGE?
In the Calm Your Chaos course, Joe & I sit down and talk about how we work TOGETHER to maintain our home and do life with each other. The doors to the course are opening SOON. Get yourself on the waitlist here. I would love to see you on the inside!
